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Spring Cleaning for Your Relationship Closet!Hello Jeannette, Cleaning out the closet of your relationships!The first day of spring is right around the corner and that means its time for some good old-fashioned spring cleaning! This is the time of year when we prepare our living spaces for the season of growth and sunshine activity. In my program The Art and Science of Romance I have found this to be an essential practice to make way for new growth and to have good things come our way in our personal relationships. I call it "Cleaning out your relationship closet" and it is always the place to begin when you decide it's time for a change in your relationship experience.This step is often missed when it comes to relationship issues. You know how it is when you are unhappy with the clothes you have in your closet - all you see are the clothes you no longer want to wear, the clothes you think make you look bad, the clothes that are the wrong size, color or style for who you really are right now? Often, after making this quick assessment, do you rush out to buy something new to make yourself feel better? Do you go shopping first without really seeing what you already have? Unfortunately this sets us up a negative cycle. We buy things that don't have a place in our closet, like buying shoes we love but they don't actually go with anything we have. This leads to more frustration, guilt and a feeling of hopelessness. It also leads to a closet filled with clothes that don't work for us, triggering more shopping trips and... you get the picture. It is the same process when it comes to our personal relationships. We all have things in that closet that we don't like. Mistakes we've made, things we're ashamed of, heartaches we don't want to remember, shortcomings that we'd prefer not to see and who knows what else (you do). We may have relationships that don't fit us, people who aren't good for us and old patterns that we no longer want hanging around. Some of our closets are pretty full. Some of us avoid going in our closets at all because of what we're afraid we'll find in there. The good news is we also have some things in there, that we may have forgotten about, that we love! In the relationship closet this can be friendships that make us feel good, rituals that nourish us and relationship skills that serve us well. The other benefit of taking a good look at what we have is that when we see the truth about it all, the negative feelings fade because we see that now we can make some new choices. We get to choose what we keep in our relationship closets and what it is time to get rid of for good. That's the beauty of this process - when you genuinely clean out what you have and see it all for exactly what it is, you put yourself back in charge of your relationship experiences; you get to be the chooser. Over the past year I have discovered the importance of taking this step not just once in a lifetime but, like spring cleaning, we need to do this at least once a year. There is no sweeter habit to develop than an annual cleaning out of your relationship closet. It is excellent self-care at its best. If you would like to do a little cleaning out of your relationship closet, I have a simple process from The Art and Science of Romance Program I will share with you. First look at relationship issues that bring up some fears. Notice what you immediately think and feel about it. Name it as a "fear", not a truth. It could be as simple as "I'm afraid there's something wrong with me"," I'll never get it right" or "it's hopeless". Begin to list these as your "Fears." After you have a good list move on to what you don't want to have happen. Look at all the habits, ways of behaving, types of people, experiences that you no longer want. This is one of the most important steps! We usually focus on what we don't want instead of naming them and cleaning them out of our thinking. Make another list of the "Don't Wants." Now you have taken out all the clothes that no longer fit and bagged them up for Goodwill. Your closet is clean and ready to be filled up with the exact clothes you want to wear, those that will make you look and feel good. Clothes that match who you are now. So what do you want in your relationship closet? Now you get to have some fun making a list of what you want to have in your relationship closet, paying close attention to any "Fears" or "Don't Wants" that might sneak in and immediately moving them back to their correct lists. This list of "Wants" may include things you need to go out and get but you may be surprised at how many of these "Wants" were already in your closet. You had them already but just didn't know it or realize just how valuable they are. "Cleaning out your relationship closet" by doing this simple exercise is a real eye-opener. You get to know exactly what you have, what you want and what you won't stand for any more. All by itself, it will increase your self-awareness and your self-confidence, and that's an essential key to having great relationships. We have done some Spring Cleaning ourselves here at The Relationship Coaching Company! One of the "Wants" we have is to offer Kat's Art and Science of Romance Program to as many women as possible at an afforable price in a way that is fun AND effective. To that end we are thrilled to announce the launch of a new coaching program which includes both private coaching and the group experience that so many women tell us they love. We are launching this program with a SPRING special. If you contact us during the April start up of this program you will get a full month for FREE. So if you would like to do some spring cleaning of your relationship closet with an expert guide, contact us today! Kat and Curtis Knecht |
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